


i'll take the fall (and the fault in us)

by biochemprincess



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biochemprincess/pseuds/biochemprincess
Summary: {Post 2x02}"Please tell me you are real."(Or: Wynonna, the teddy bear, a bottle of Jack Daniels and an unexpected visitor sit in the dark in front of a fire.)





	i'll take the fall (and the fault in us)

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from the lyrics of 'want you back' by haim. (BUT JUST KNOW THAT I WANT YOU BACK)
> 
> warning for the canon typical usage of alcohol. 
> 
> i wrote this in 40 minutes in an attempt to get my head out of studying mode. not beta read and just barely spell and grammar checked. (sorry)

The teddy bear is looking at her with way too much judgement for such a fuzzy toy. Its black polished eyes shine in the fiery glow. Wynonna turns him around before taking a hearty swing of the Jack Daniels bottle. She ditched the porch for the warmth of her beloved fireplace.

"You're too young to see me drink," she mutters to the bear. It's all she has been doing today, mutter to herself. Feels kind of healing, cleansing.

Wynonna stares into the bright flame until everything she sees is white. Actually she is freezing, even in her winter coat and with the blanket around her shoulders. The alcohol warms her from the inside out, but it's not a good idea from any other point of view.  
  
Alcohol in cold places only kills you faster a voice, that sounds eerily similar to Dolls', says.

She takes another gulp and waits for the familiar burn in her mouth, her throat.

"Not to diminish your victory against the shady spiders today, but you really shouldn't do this."

Wynonna drops the bottle onto the ground and some of its content spills into the snow.

That was ---

_His voice._

She whips her head to the right and there he is,sitting in the chair that's usually reserved for Waverly. There is the same blinding smile on his face, the one she's seen just a week ago. This time there are no tears rolling down his face. Or at least she can't see them in the dark, only enlightened by the fiery glow.

Her jaw just --- drops. She tries to find words, the speeches she's prepared for him in case of his return, in case of a miracle. It's not like Wynonna believes in miraculous returns anymore, not after what happened with Willa.

"Dolls." It's all she whispers, all that needs to be said.

He only nods at that. Worry is etched into every line of his face, his eyes are overflowing with it.

"Please tell me you are real."

_Please tell me I'm not losing my mind._

_Please tell me you're alive and well._

There are too many ghost following her around, she can't live with his too. Lucado would have her head if she found out.

"I'm what you need me to be," Dolls answers calmly.

"A self-aware hallucination. Charming," Wynonna says. She picks up the ice-cold bottle and chugs down the remains, then letting the bottle drop to the ground again.

"On the risk of repeating myself, but drinking in the cold is really a bad idea. You should keep a clear head."

"Are you going to leave me again when a sober up again?" She stares him down, fire in her bones and ice in her voice.

Dolls remains silent at her side.

"That's what I thought. So I'd rather have the fake company my drunk brain provides me with, than deal the crushing loneliness of a lucid mind." Her voice is barely above a whisper.

It needs to be said, even if it's said to a ghost.

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Lonely," Dolls says. "You have Waverly. Nicole. Doc."

"They have their own lives, their own happiness, their own --- whatever the fuck Doc is doing with the bar. Wave and Nicole are currently doing it upstairs. They don't need the fucked up shit show that's going down in my head."

Wynonna takes the bear from his place in time-out and clutches him to her chest. The bear feels cold and for a moment has a guilty conscience for letting him freeze. With the other hand she fingers her necklace. She looks over at Dolls, who does nothing but return her gaze.

At least she is hallucinating an attentive listener.

He reaches over and for a second there is a spark where his hand touches hers. It feels warm and so achingly real, almost as if he was really here. He doesn't let go and she doesn't pull away.

She craves this, the contact. It's something to fill the sucking black hole inside her, soothing it like the demons she hunts.

"I'm sure they'd help you."

"I don't want to be a burden to them. Dead weight keeping them down. I never did. It's why I left Purgatory when I did. I'm the ultimate martyr, they should consider me for sainthood."

"Saint Wynonna, patron saint of lost people and anything with alcohol." Dolls softly stroke his thumb over the back of her hand. "Tell them how you feel."

Silent tears run down her face and she's too proud to wipe them away. "I'm falling apart," she almost yells. "I can't --- voice it."

He doesn't answer.

"The loneliness won't be gone," Wynonna begins. "Put me in the town hall with every single resident of this hell hole and all those demons and I'd still be lonely. Because none of them are you. You are still gone. You are not here."

The salty tears feel so cold on her cheeks, like little needle pricks.

"Wynonna ---"

"You are not real!" Now she is yelling for sure. "You are not real. You are not real. You are not real. You are not real. You are gone."  

Hiccups interrupt her breathing and she can barely breathe at all. It hurts so much, all over her chest. The losing, always losing, of the people she loves the most. She killed Willa and Dolls is gone and it hurts so fucking much.

Wynonna pulls up her knees onto the chair, wrapping her arms around herself. This is turning into a full-blown meltdown and she hates herself for being so soft, so weak. 

"It's alright. You are fine. Just breathe." Dolls' phantom hands rub all over her back in soothing patterns. It's not fair, a hallucination shouldn't feel so real. He continues to murmur calming phrases into her ear, until her breathing slows, until the tears ebb away. 

"Wynonna, listen. I'll come back. I'll fight every single assassin and agent and demon if I have to. But you have to believe in me."

"I never stopped."

"I know. And now you should go to bed. Tomorrow's a new day. Gotta kick all those demons in their asses."

"I'm so goddamn tired," Wynonna whispers.

"I know." 

He gives her a kiss on her check and there's the spark again. It's not nearly enough, this poor substitute of his presence. The fire continues to burn down and down, until it is completely out. She rises from her seat and steadily walks towards the house. She wants to turn back to him, knowing that she would see his figure standing in the dark, only illuminated by the meager light of the half-moon.

But she doesn't. 

There is a myth, about time and love and patience, Orpheus bringing back Eurydice from the hands of the god of death. If only he had waited until she wasn't in the dark anymore. 

But she will wait, for him to return to her.

Even if she just wants the pain inside her to stop.

 

* * *

 

 

The massive hangover greeting her after waking up in the morning is not the worst thing. Neither is the back ache from sleeping on the ancient couch downstairs.

He's gone again, real or not.

And that's so much worse.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think about it. also find me @ mightyjemma.tumblr.com


End file.
